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MORE BREAKING NEWS! AAAR Headquarters Station K1SOB and President-for-Life Glenn Backstabber Served with Forfeiture Order

Backstabber Makes Emergency Appeal

ATHOL, Mass., March 29, 2006--Acting on malicious gossip, hearsay, and a personal vendetta against AAAR President-for-Life Glenn Backstabber (K1SOB), the Federal Communications Commission served K1SOB and Mr. Backstabber with a Forfeiture Order in the amount of $21,000. The Forfeiture Order reinforces a spurious Notice of Apparent Liability (NAL) issued by the FCC in June, alleging that Mr. Backstabber engaged in numerous illegal on-air practices, including the operation of the K1SOB transmitter without a control operator on duty, using the station to promote various commercial ventures, deliberately interfering with other amateur radio stations, and generally acting like a first-class glans on the air.

I knew I shouldn't have eaten those prunes this morning!  Where is the due process of law? The U.S. Constitution calls for due process of law. Moreover, one is presumed to be innocent unless proven guilty by a jury of one's peers. Obviously, FCC "Special Counsel" Riley Hollingsworthless cut some classes in law school. Now, let's examine the charges:

1. K1SOB was not operating without a control operator. Glenn was using a genuine Radio Shaft timer, programmed with his own hands. He also used his own mental telepathy to control his transmitter, having developed this art in Peterborough, New Hampshire while visiting the publisher of the now-defunct 37 Magazine, Wayne Chartreuse. According to Wayne, the Ammonia People of Uranus taught him the art of mental telepathy and Wayne passed it along to Glenn in Peterborough and at the Ammonium Hamfest in Maryland.

2. The ventures mentioned in the K1SOB Information Bulletins benefit amateur radio. See the K1SOB Bulletin and Editorial of June 7, 2005 for details.

3. K1SOB did not deliberately interfere with other amateur radio stations. Those other stations were deliberately interfering with K1SOB! The publication of the K1SOB Bulletin Schedule on the AAAR Web page gives Glenn a divine right to tie up 3890 kHz and other frequencies for hours on end. That crank from Pittsburgh and some wise-ass Boy Scouts were just trying to make trouble. Don't worry! The Felony Complaint Affidavits are on their way! Can't the Scouts find a nice campfire to pee on? K1SOB was also on 14.275 during the activation of the HARN Emergency Net in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. While the Salivation Army was grandstanding, Glenn was providing helpful information to the hurricane victims, such as how to get a genuine AAAR Credit Card (with your very own callsign emblazoned underneath the AAAR logo) from the Soprano National Bank in Jersey City, New Jersey or how to train for an exciting career as a drawbridge oiler.

This is the best one I've had in ages! DO YOUR PART FOR FREE SPEECH! You can help keep your AAAR / K1SOB information bulletins on the air by giving your financial support. For a limited time only, the AAAR is running a special on smoke alarms! Protect your home the next time you zorch something in your amplifier! Our standard AAAR smoke detector is now just $29.95. Charge it to your AAAR credit card! We are also offering carbon monoxide detectors for $59.95, guaranteed not to false in the presence of beer-related flatulence.

See 'ya in court, Mr. Hollingsworthless!